Essence: How I Pray by Bonnie
© Essence Magazine, February 2008. All rights reserved.
HOW I PRAY
One woman’s quest for a closer connection with God
led her to a deeper understanding of prayer
By Bonnie St. John
Most people know me as a strong woman—an inspirational speaker, a one-legged Olympic ski champion, an Essence Award honoree and former White House official. Millions of people had seen my life story on television, yet they had no inkling that prayer was the guiding force of my life.
I never really discussed my prayer life. To me, it was deeply private. Prayer had helped me heal from the sexual abuse I’d endured as a child. When my own daughter turned two—the age I was when my five years of abuse by my stepfather began—all my buried memories and anxieties began to surface. I was strong enough to ski race on one leg at sixty miles an hour, brief the White House cabinet, and give speeches in front of ten thousand people, but emotional healing was a much greater challenge. Without prayer, I would have collapsed under the weight of it.
Back then, I typically prayed alone. My daughter, now 12, would watch me, unsure how to talk to God on her own. “I don't hear any answers,” she'd say as though she wasn't doing it right. I wanted to give her a rich and powerful prayer life—and I realized I didn't know how. I began to wonder how many of the women I looked up to were also quietly powered by prayer. What would they tell my daughter about how to pray?
I set out to interview some of these women. Prayer, they shared, isn't about asking for material things or giving God a to-do list. God already knows what we need. Prayer is simply taking the time to let God get close to us, so we don’t miss out on our annointing. The women described praying out loud while driving, praying in the bath, praying with their husbands, praying with their children, praying through dancing, and praying by listening as well as speaking. My biggest breakthrough, as I talked and prayed with these women, was realizing the power of shared prayer—when “two or more are gathered in His name.”
I joined my first prayer circle and began to attend church more regularly. And as my relationship with God deepened, my decisions about business and family seemed easier and clearer.
Soon, instead of my fixed routine, I began to pray upon waking, and then all throughout the day. And I started to pray out loud with my boyfriend. To share such intimacy—my most private hopes, dreams and fears—was scary and awkward at first. But in time we began to just talk about what was in our hearts, together before God. That made it easier to do the same thing with my daughter, and soon she became more comfortable praying out loud, too. “I don’t feel like I need a direct answer anymore,” she told me. “God already knows what I need.”
We now believe that all prayers are answered by bringing us closer to God in some way. Recently, for example, I was late for a meeting and was whirling around the house, frazzled.
My daughter stopped me in the hallway, put her hands on my shoulders, and asked God that I be a source of peace, love and joy as I went out into the world. Her prayer completely changed my consciousness. I was so proud of my child and so moved by her words. Now I know that the busier I am, the more I need to lean into my prayer community. And so I pray for you, beloved reader, that you may find your own spiritual circle, and that the closeness you create with God will ripple out to bestow wisdom and peace in every corner of your life.
SIDEBAR: Conversations with God
“Don't waste a lot of time praying for specific things. What you want may not be what God has in mind for you. Praying for courage and strength is the important thing.”
-- DOROTHY HEIGHT, civil rights activist
“I sit in a quiet space with my eyes open, and I say whatever comes to heart.”
-- VONETTA FLOWERS, Olympic bobsled gold medalist
“You can't just reach out to God one day in a moment of need and then just go on with your life after the crisis passes. You have to stay connected to God, every morning and night.”
-- IMMACULEE ILIBAGIZA, Rwandan genocide survivor
“It is more effective to pray for God to work on me than it is for me to pray for God to work on other people.”
-- JOHNNETTA COLE, president emerita of Spelman and Bennett Colleges
“If I could tell myself just one thing about prayer, I would tell myself to be more even grateful. I would like to be more grateful today than I was yesterday.”
– DR. MAYA ANGELOU, poet and author
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